Wow, 2018 is over! We had a lot of good times and bad times, but mostly bad if I’m being honest. My great-uncle passed away, my dad got cancer, Danny had a couple of health scares, and our car broke down and needed to be replaced. Not to mention the constantly terrifying political climate. I’m glad to see 2018 go. The good news is that some of these problems are getting better. My dad just finished chemo and is gradually getting his strength back. We still haven’t replaced our car, but we’re in a much better financial situation now that we don’t have extra car payments to make. I’m taking more classes this year, so hopefully I can leave my dead-end job once I finish them. My marriage is stronger than ever. 2019 is already off to a good start.
One of the things I realized over the course of the year is how few people I can talk to about these difficult things. I’ve always been good at hiding my feelings, but I’ve never had so many bad things happen at the same time. I can talk to my husband (who was going through the same stuff I was) and my parents, and that’s it. For some reason it is really hard for me to talk about difficult things with people, even on this blog. It’s harder for me to share when it seems like everyone else’s life is going amazing. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to depress my friends, or I’m afraid of how they might react. Either way, keeping everything bottled up inside is just too painful. So one of my New Year’s resolutions is to be more honest and open with people. I hope this will help me make new friends, and be closer with the ones I have.
Another one of my resolutions is to do the things I want more often. While my dad was in the hospital over the summer (he was there for weeks recovering from surgery), our car broke down. We felt like our only choice was to repair it, but it set us back a lot of money. At the same time, I was trying to increase my hours at work but management refused to tell me if I was approved for more hours or not (but they did tell me my benefits would be cut if I didn’t increase my hours). All of these things were totally outside my control, and it felt awful. Looking back, I could have done little things to make life more bearable. Going out to eat or going shopping, or taking a little vacation could have helped. But I didn’t do any of these things because I felt like we needed to save every penny. This year, I’m going to try to get away from the scarcity mindset. Hopefully this will let me find more joy in life, even when things are tough.
And as always, I’ll strive to write more, create more, and travel more. Let’s see how many of these goals I can accomplish!