I’ve been wanting to start a blog for a long time. Writing is something I always thought I would do, even as a child. I always started writing projects, but never finished them. Books, poems, even journals were eagerly started and then soon forgotten. Hopefully this is something I can stick with. Writing is therapeutic for me. I hope that by writing often I can make sense of my thoughts and figure out what I want to do with my life.
From an outsider perspective, I am a person who “has it together.” I am newly married to the most wonderful man. We have two rambunctious cats. I have a good, part-time job. We live in a nice apartment in the city. I am mostly healthy and happy. It has not always been this way. I’ve worked hard for the life I have now, and I have a lot farther to go. I remember I was at a party in college a couple years ago, and one of my friends was feeling down because she was single. I was trying to comfort her by saying that her life wasn’t that bad. She said “what do you know? You have your life together, you have a boyfriend!” I was shocked to hear that, because I never thought of myself as having my life together. I was going to graduate in a year and I still didn’t know what I wanted to do as a career (I still don’t really know). This friend was studying to be a nurse, so she had a guaranteed, high-paying job right after she graduated. In my eyes, she was the one with her life together. So maybe I did have my life together at that point, if having one’s life together is defined by relationship status. I guess I define having your life together as having financial stability. Maybe it’s both. If that’s the case, then I must have my life together now. I’m married. Not only that, I have a job and an apartment. But what else do I have? I can draw, paint, sculpt, and write, but I do none of those things. I eat breakfast in the morning, go to work, come home and do chores or errands, then my husband comes home and makes dinner (usually, lucky me) then we watch TV and go to bed. I have a lot of time that I could spend being creative. I used to be creative when I was young. I would write and draw all the time, almost compulsively. Is the effort of living as an adult so draining on me that I have no energy for anything else? I tell myself that it’s because my life is too busy, but that’s not really true. I got married in September. I spent every spare moment of time between when I got engaged and the wedding planning for the wedding. I accomplished a lot in my spare time. People far busier than me have pulled off a wedding! Now my husband and I are looking for a house. So I spend my free time looking at houses online, and we go to showings on the weekends. House hunting has become my new obsession, and it feels like I don’t have time for anything else, but that is just an illusion. I do have the time to be creative, so what’s stopping me? I hope that by starting this blog, I can find my answer.